How I Learned to Embrace my “Clair”

I believe in science.

For decades it was the divine masculine to my literary divine feminine. The idea that one can’t legitimately assert something without measurable proof is comforting, humbling, and rewarding–if you want anyone to respect your ideas, you’re going to have to do the work to convince them that you aren’t just pulling this stuff out of your ass. And when you do the research and make your observations, you discover a breathtaking explanation for why the world works the way it does and set your audience up for mind-blowing moments.

I love having my mind blown by science. It happens less and less these days, but when it does, my inner smile comes out. It’s a holy experience and I hit my knees at the altar and revel in the beauteous construction of the cosmos.

This is precisely why I’m feeling a bit uneasy these days. As I’ve completely opened myself up to the “woo,” my experiences are less and less rooted in the rational world. Things are beginning to happen that I can’t quite explain, and even stranger, I don’t want to try to explain them. 

Blasphemous, but true.

As a tarot reader, I pride myself on my groundedness: my readings are firmly centered within psychological tradition, I read to provide insight on the present circumstance and not the future, and I don’t channel spirits in my readings. Honestly, I didn’t even believe in the existence of spirits until a dear friend told me he saw them all the time. 

The strange thing is, the more open I’ve become about my profession and spiritual leanings, the more open others have become about the role woo plays in their lives.

These are folks who’ve hidden this side of themselves from me for our entire relationship, and it’s led me to the following questions: “Are we more woo than we commonly let on? How many of us adhere to beliefs that defy nature and science? How many of us experience things we can’t possibly explain? What does that mean for who we are and how we view the world?”

I’ve been feeling my claircognizance, y’all. I just had to come out and say it before I rambled on for another half page as a stalling tactic. It’s something that I’ve been dabbling with since I worked with Tarot as a Tool for Craft and it’s become far more prevalent in my tarot readings than I anticipated. There are things I simply know about a situation without any definitive information to support it, and I can’t adequately explain where the knowledge is coming from. I don’t hear voices other than my inner voice, but sometimes it says things that seem random and unprompted given the card and the position.

Sometimes, it seems, I feel my clients–I latch on to their energy and perspective and gain greater insight as far as their obstacles and options are concerned. 

Considering that I do a majority of my readings online and that some of my clients are hundreds of miles away, this is weird to me, but I’m learning to question it less and embrace it more in the service of my clients.

Honestly, it’s a question of integrity: “Should I silence these messages simply because I don’t know where they’re coming from?” To work around this problem, I attach a disclaimer to these insights: “I’m no medium, but this came through pretty strong, so I thought that I’d include it here.” I never make a guarantee that any predictions will come up in a reading because I pride myself on the legitimacy of my business and in no way do I want to promise anything I don’t feel confident I can deliver.

Yet, I don’t want to limit myself in terms of the guidance I provide, nor do I want to silence my intuition because I can’t figure out a way for it to “make sense.”

Even so, my left brain tells me that I’m fabricating it, that the incense is going to my head, that I’m projecting my own experience onto that of my clients’, that something in the tone of the question tipped me off, that I’m so familiar with the dynamic interplay of human relationships that I unconsciously manifested the message as a result of the information given to me…the list is endless. And no matter how often I try to convince myself that there’s nothing mystical going on here, I just don’t feel like any explanation measures up.

Feeling. That’s the precise sense that’s throwing me for a loop, that’s asserting that all logical explanations are falling short.

It’s always been there, this intuition, and I’ve always been fighting its existence.

It never made me feel comfortable. It made me feel more terror than humility. And it felt much more ominous and foreboding than any reward I ever received. But its mystery, its attraction, its thoughtless knowledge never ceased to intrigue me. Even now as I pen these words, I feel uncomfortable–have I revealed to much? Have I delegitimized my practice? Have I allowed my inner witch too much leeway? I think not. And as I continue on this path of spirit and in my practice of tarot, I secretly wish for more of this unknown, more of what can’t be explained. I wish to revel in the beauteous mystery–not construction–of the cosmos.

Much Love Fellow Seekers and Cardslingers,

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8 thoughts on “How I Learned to Embrace my “Clair”

  1. This resonates with me so deeply. I have recently ‘found’ tarot, partly as a result of feeling lots of ‘knowing’ and being interested in what on earth it is and how I can rationalise it. Of course, I can’t. But I’ve certainly been in denial about it for a really long time. Thanks for sharing this so eloquently.

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  2. This is so awesome I hardly know how to express how grateful I am that you wrote about this–so well and with such heart. I guess I would have to say ‘Me too!’. But not really so much b/c I’m still such a n00b. I’m trying to carve out time every week to study Bell’s courses and so claircognizance is one thing I’ll be working on this month. Thank you for such wonderful blog posts. I really value them. XO Sally

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  3. I have never been a professional tarot reader, but I used to be a hobby tarot reader for myself, friends, and my sister-in-law. I would say then, and still probably would say, that I take the readings with a grain of salt. I don’t know how many times I have said “I’m not psychic”, but I imagine that has been said at least a few times. However, there certainly seemed to be a great amount of accuracy in a number of the readings I have done (generally sticking to a specific Celtic cross spread highlighting past, present, and future). I would always ask for Divine guidance and protection from negative energy before readings. The intuitive aspect for me was knowing when to stop shuffling and when to pull cards from somewhere in the deck other than the top. Also, though I am typically a by the book reader as far as card meanings go, sometimes I have found that instinct says the usual meaning doesn’t hold “this time” and that I should really look at the imagery to unravel a different meaning. Thanks for sharing this lovely post.

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    1. Thank you so much for reading! I too use intuition to inform me when I should stop shuffling and where I should pull from the deck. I’ve been so hesitant to incorporate more divinatory practices into my tarot readings (ironic, right?), but it continued to happen so organically that I knew it was time. Thank you for sharing your experiences and much love ❤

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  4. I’ve only just stumbled onto your blog (via your Youtube channel), and I feel like I was meant to find your content specifically to read this post. Thank you so much for writing this! I’ve been struggling with very similar issues. It’s a topic I wish was addressed more in the community. I find it so difficult to try to reconcile my need for verifiable rationality with my ethereal spiritual experiences.

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    1. Preach girl–this is my main point of focus in my spiritual path! I feel like there’s definitely enough room for both in a single worldview, but it takes a bit of work to reconcile! I’m so glad that you enjoyed the post. Truly. It makes it all worth it ❤

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