When I launched Holy Om Tarot four months ago, I didn’t know what I was getting into.
I assumed I’d hear some difficult stories. I was prepared for heartbreak, struggle, and confusion. I’d arrived at a point where I was centered enough in my spiritual practice to empower and support my clients while taking care of myself; in other words, I knew I’d be able to ride the emotional rollercoaster so often associated with lightwork. In the wake of this realization, I set up a website. I opened Twitter and Instagram accounts. I reactivated Facebook and began filming videos for my Youtube channel. I’d sworn off social media such a long time ago (and for good reason) that I was a bit hesitant to embroil myself again, but hey–doing the damn thing was worth it. I built friendships with fellow woo-bosses and began to take part in the online metaphysical community. It sometimes felt strange promoting myself, but I knew this was because I’d never done it before (and because, as a woman, it wasn’t something I was used to). There was a bit of “fake it ’til you make it” mentality, but I was prepared for all of that. What I wasn’t prepared for was 2016.
Constant election soundbites. An endless stream of social and cultural commentary. Rape cases. Police shootings. Homophobic shootings. Abuses. Oppression. Hexings. Witch hunts. Protests. Racism. Xenophobia. Anger. Misogyny. Depression.
It’s all true, folks. I know that. But it’s difficult for even the strongest of us to process, let alone the intuitive, open, empathic psycho-spiritual community. I knew that I could hold space for a person, but I never claimed I could hold space for the world. Yet, if I was going to continue to offer my services online, I’d have to figure out how. And I’d have to ask myself a lot of difficult questions in the process.
What does it really mean to run a heart-centered business? This was the journal question I sat down with a few weeks ago. I felt that I’d made a few concessions where I hadn’t wanted to and I wanted to re-evaluate my priorities. Simple enough, right?
Wrong. Not simple. Not even remotely simple.
I reaffirmed my values. I examined how I’d compromised my dignity in former jobs. I asked myself how often I’d actually practiced what I preached and what I was willing to sacrifice to live in my truth. If you’re in the business of helping others live in their truth, you’re constantly aware of the extent to which you are. It’s as challenging as it sounds. Some days, it can be a real mindfuck.
After pouring my heart and mind out on the pages, it became damn clear why I’d become a cardslinger–I wanted to be challenged in this way. I wanted to challenge others in this way. And knowing how goddamn difficult it was to wake up and the face the shadow myself, I wanted to help others navigate the waters so they’d have an easier time of it and know they weren’t alone. I suppose, too, that I wanted to know that I wasn’t alone. I turned to social media to find a tribe who couldn’t ignore the shadow. A group of people who were actually affected to change the abominable shit going down in the world. I always knew that this was so much bigger than tarot, but I underestimated how big this was. Social media showed me the vastness.
There are days when it’s too much, when it’s simply overwhelming. I do my best to be an agent of change, but I’m still a person. There was a moment last Wednesday where I almost deleted Twitter–I knew I needed a break, but I couldn’t stop engaging. Instead, I put down my phone and meditated. I sat to practice self-control. I reflected and realized that I could make space for the world, that that’s what I’d wanted to do all along. I realized that my practice gave me the strength to do it. That’s why I read tarot. Study and reflect on the archetypes. That’s why I pathwork and practice yoga. That’s why I juggle nine balls in the air–to demonstrate that it’s possible. We can meet the demands of our age. We can muster the strength and the courage to live in our truth as long as we’re willing to constantly check in with ourselves. For me, that looks like careful planning. Ritual. Tarot readings. Content creation. Reaching out to others. Engaging. Acting on my principles and relying on the support of others to help me through. Trusting that my gifts and abilities can be applied to cultivating a greater good. Shining a light in the darkness. And offering a hand to guide, provide, and support.